The last shred of doubt!

Since 1981 I have had many different periods of not drinking and not using, and until not so long ago, I had as many times drank and  used drugs again. Stopping drinking and using became normal for me, as the times of suffering and negative consequences became more frequent. As my history shows, I would always turn back to the drink and the drug, no matter what.  I simply did not have the power to not drink. I was, in fact, totally doomed to die a miserable alcoholic and drug addict death. If I were that fortunate. Some of my past friends just seem to go on, day by day, suffering, hurting, and horribly living an existence of misery, depression, despair, shame, and guilt. The list could go on and on. If your an addict or alcoholic, then you can understand. At times death had become more desirable than continuing to dread each and every day.

In the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous it states; “Ever day is a day when we must carry the vision of Gods will into all of our activities”. Wow, is that it? Is that what I had failed to do all those times in the past,when I would have a period of sobriety and then , not? The truth is that I did not even believe, come to know, or care about what some book said. I was so wrong in my thinking and believing. Never did I “carry the vision of Gods will”, into anything.

I have, in the past, been exposed to hundreds, maybe even thousands, of other men and women who said that God has done for them what they could never do for themselves. Keep them clean and sober! Thank God that I finally quit doubting that their articles of faith were wrong. The pinnacle of my self-destruction was the idea that the God idea would never work in my life.

My last drink was at 2:35 p.m. on January 9th of 2009. It came from a hot bottle of some cheap whiskey that was hidden away in the trunk of my old Lincoln. Strange as it may sound, I absolutely knew that was the last drink,ever. Earlier that day I stood before a felony court Judge wanting to plea guilty to 5th D.W.I. charge and get on my way to prison, probably for 16 years. What happened in that courtroom was amazing. The very last  shred of doubt that God was in control of my life disappeared. It made no logical sense to me that I was not going to prison. The Judge ordered me to a 3 year period of probation, and under the terms of the probation, I was to live in a sober-living home. I did just that and , as God would have it, much more. From that house to where I sit today, is as much a miracle to me as when Moses parted the Red Sea.

Today I am the Recovery Program Coordinator for the Power House Recovery Center and am extremely privileged to be a part of this incredible organisation of men in recovery, helping others and saving life’s . Helping men just like me, recover from the most deadliest disease I have ever known. Thank you to all that have paved the path before me and welcome to those  still yet to come, seeking an answer  for their problem.