On the Firing Line of Life

From the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” :” Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed”.

Some days are difficult when your in the recovery business. Watching alcoholism and drug addiction happen right in front of your eyes, even when you do all you can, reminds me of my own powerlessness when I was stuck in the grips of addiction and alcoholism. Time and time and time again, over and over, people in recovery would reach out to me, offering their assistance and I would just end up, once again, drunk and high. My family, my friends, my ex’s and past girlfriends, how they must have felt, seeing me destroy  myself, along with their hopes and dreams for me.

I am best described on page 21 in the Big Book –  Here are just a few characteristics: 1. seldom mildly intoxicated. 2. does absurd, incredible things,tragic things while drinking. 3. dangerously disgusting and anti-social. 4. incredibly dishonest and selfish.  5. senseless. 6. a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  These are just a few of the attributes that make up my personality as a active alcoholic and drug addict. The crazy part of it all is that in my denial, I could not connect these to my addiction. It was all about circumstances and me being victimized by what others where doing to me. Wow, just writing this brings me to a state of – What was I thinking!!!!!

Today, life is so much different and I am no longer a slave to fear, anger, resentment, guilt, shame and such. No longer does each day bring dread and terror. Today I live on the firing line of life in recovery, standing ready to help 24/7/365. This is the real war on drugs, in the trenches with the sick and suffering, bringing hope to those who can not see past the pain and terror of their addiction.  Thank You God!!!!!