How many more times am I going to entertain this idea?
Just how do I get past this?
You keep whispering and I keep dreaming.
Dreaming that someday, somehow I will be able to control that rock.
As if a “recreational crackhead” isn’t an oxymoron.
Imagine a distraction so insidious, it will only allow you to concentrate on the one thing – destroying you.
The thoughts, the flashbacks, the daydreaming.
They almost induce a high all by themselves.
Only perpetuating the insanity, bringing me closer and closer to that first hit.
I am aware of these thoughts. I know they are dangerous, but the allure is often times too much to control.
I am also aware that there is so much more to be lost.
Things I am surprised have not been lost as of yet.
Rationally there is no sense in picking up that stem, but emotionally it is the only thing that matters.
It doesn’t make sense.